Yeah, I didn't like it either, but I think you must be right that this translation loses something.I mean, look at "verder" in the last stanza. Once it's translated as "furthermore." Two lines later it takes four or five words to turn it into English. I wonder if it means because. And *verder*, I doubt I'll ever know.
Translation is tricky, all right. Even tricker, I would think, with a poem like this that doesn't seem to have a narrative. Does it make a poem in English that works for me? In the end that's more important to me than how accurate the translator was.
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