Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Laughing Space

From the diary: “March 9, 1985

“Read a couple stories from Isaac Asimov’s SF Humor Anthology Laughing Space; neither story was funny. The one he wrote about the Goose That Lays the Golden Eggs was positively boring.”

It wasn’t only Isaac Asimov I was dissatisfied with. I began confiding in my diary again, using it as a way to think. “This day has been such a waste,” I continued. “I’m sick of lying in all morning. … I’m letting the newspapers pile up again. And I’ve got tons of library books to read. What am I doing to myself? It’s like I’m trying to deny being human. Every time (nearly) I build up my confidence for something I easily talk myself out of it. … I’m trying hard to hold onto my writing because that seems to be the only light in the tunnel. … I’m feeling lonely. The rain splattering the roof, the cat curled up on newspapers by the TV. He bores me. He’s like 1/4 of a person. Just enough to be there – not enough to be fulfilling.”

I was living with my mother. This day she was gone visiting friends. But she was after me to get a job – and I would have loved to have landed one. Often unable to get out of bed until midafternoon, awake until 2 a.m. or later (occasionally sleepless all night), getting headaches, eating only to shut down the hunger, isolated and feeling lost, man, I was Depressed.

3 comments:

hbjock said...

Wow, your daily routine back then sounds a lot like mine right now... hmm maybe I need help heheh. Well, at least now I have a job... and supposedly today I got paid, I hope I get my paycheck tomorrow! Heheh.. Hey I wanted to know... I know that this site is for you to talk about your Creative Writing classes and all the books you read... do you have another blog that talks about your daily life and other parts of your life?
- Jonah

David Lee said...

BF -

His daily life journal (and occasional poetry lab) is lovesettlement.blogspot.com.

Glenn Ingersoll said...

hi Jonah,

Like David says, LoveSettlement is the contemporary depressions, furies, and delights. (On the DIR page it's the first of "My other sites" in the righthand column; the second LS is primarily poems.)

If you ever want to talk in a less public way than the blogs: lovesettlement@yahoo.com

I didn't expect when I started DIR that I was going to be exposing my daily life from 20 years past, but reading my old writings I was finding them at least as interesting as any book I read at the time. I was hoping back then I was providing the future me with material and I'm happy to keep that bargain with myself.